Fascists Hate Smokers

Posted: January 23, 2011 in Political Stuff
Tags: , , , , ,

Ahh, smoking, that fiery breath of tobacco that rekindles the sputtering flame of hope separating most Columbia students from despondent suicides. A lovely blend of burnt leaves and singed paper pouring almost religiously into the lungs, filling the dejected with the wherewithal to withstand the monotony of higher education, the cigarette transcends race, color, creed, and gender to unify scholars campus-wide.

There is one group, however, that seems intent on destroying the racial and religious harmony inculcated by these slim sticks from heaven – The Militant Anti-Smokers. Their leader: one Michael Bloomberg, ex-smoker and elected mayor of our fair city. Their methods: increases in tobacco taxation, widespread anti-smoking propaganda, and finally, laws against indoor and public smoking.

But, wait…I think I’ve seen this before…over-taxation, poorly written propaganda, laws violating the right to private property and capitalism, (our most beloved of isms), unjust persecution of a convenient scapegoat…why, yes! More and more, it appears Bloomberg has found political guidance in the question “What Would Hitler Do?”

Unbeknownst to most, the Third Reich, boasting the world’s strongest anti-tobacco movement of the ‘30s and ‘40s, worried that deaths from lung cancer were a threat to the Aryan race. The Fuhrer was, like Bloomberg, an ex-smoker and elected dictator. And, although Bloomberg’s anti-smoking lobby has not revealed any plans for Aryan domination (yet), the similarities of its methods to those used by the Third Reich are striking:

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